Thursday, August 14, 2014

What the Writer Thinks About When She's Not Allowed to Drink Coffee

For health reasons, my doctor insisted I have to give up caffeine (temporarily, thankyousweetbabyjesus). When she first gave me this order, I nearly spilled my coffee, laughing. Why is this funny? Because I'm the girl that has a Keurig on her desk at work. I'm the girl who has more flavors and "recipes" for coffee than Starbucks. I'm the girl who downs an espresso and can fall asleep ten minutes later. I collect coffee mugs. People post cute memes about coffee on my Facebook wall. I *am* Mrs. Coffee. 

Now I had to give it up? Impossible. Ridiculous. Unheard of. Terrifying. 

It's been a week now. I wish I could say it gets better, but I'm guessing my body's still going through withdrawal. Here's what goes through my mind at random times in my caffeine-less state.

Day 1: Okay, I can do this. It's just coffee. I can make do with green tea and water. Oh, who am I kidding? This is gonna kill me. Is it bedtime yet? I'm exhausted...

Day 2: I got through yesterday. Sure, I did it by going to bed at 5 pm, but I did it. I can do it again. But I'm gonna push myself. I won't go to bed til 6 tonight. I'll use the extra hour to get some writing done. Dang, this sucks. I can't seem to put together a coherent sentence. Forget it. I'm just gonna go to bed. Tomorrow's another day, right?

Day 3: This getting out of bed stuff is really taking its toll on me. If a genie popped up right now and told me he'd grant me one wish, I'd wish for eight hours more sleep. I'll go to work because I have to, but I'm not bothering to style my hair or do my makeup. That'll buy me an extra thirty minutes of sleep time. And in just nine hours from now, I can be back in bed. That'll be good.

Day 4: What if all my brilliant ideas for my stories are due to my intake of caffeine? What if I never write a decent sentence again? Maybe I should go to bed and give up for today.

Day 5: My gym partner cancelled tonight's class. Thank God. I don't have the energy. I'm just gonna go home and crawl into bed.

Day 6: Ooh, one of my coworkers has coffee. It smells soooo good! Jeez, my head is pounding. And I can't even take Excedrin because it has caffeine in it. No way I can write with this jackhammer behind my eyes. The minute I get home, I should just go to bed.

Day 7: Hey! I made it through the first week. I can do this. It's just coffee. I can make do with green tea and water. And bed.   

Tell me this gets easier. Please.

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