Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thursday 13: Thirteen Sayings From My Dove Chocolate Wrappers

As bad as it is for my diet, I keep small individually wrapped chocolates in candy dishes around my living room. This time around, they're Dove chocolates. One day I noticed that each chocolate has a "Promises message" printed inside the wrapper. And so, at great sacrifice, I decided to unwrap thirteen of these treasures to find the wisdom inside.

1. It's definitely a bubble-bath day. (This was odd because I was running a bubble bath when I read it. How did they know?)
2. Live your dreams. (You wouldn't want to live someone else's, would you?)
3. Wink at someone driving past today. (Oh, that's a really good idea. I haven't been stalked by a psycho in ages!)
4. You know what? You look good in red. (No, I really don't. It clashes with my hair. But hey! They can't always be right.)
5. Dare to love completely. (As opposed to half-assed.)
6. Send a love letter this week. (Hmmm...might upset the dh. If I send it to him, he'll suspect I've done something wrong. If I send it to someone else, well...let's just not go there.)
7. Write a real letter, not just an email. (Does the Dove Company have stock in the U.S. Postal Service? What's with all the letters?)
8. Naughty can be nice. (At last, something we agree upon!)
9. Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to. (Didn't Mae West say this in, like, the 30's?)
10. Count the stars. (1. Brad Pitt, 2. George Clooney...what? Not those stars? Oh, okay. Maybe tonight.)
11. Make your eyes twinkle. (Can you physically do this? Or isn't that more like making your heartbeat slow, where you only think you have control?)
12. Make a list of your dreams. (Which dreams? My hopes and aspirations? Or the weird ones where my face is stuck to a window like one of those Garfields with suction cup paws while children throw things at me?)
13. There's no excuse not to dream. (Again with the dreams? They not only have stock in the USPS, but in Ambien, too!)
I hope you found something inspiring in my list. As for me, it's off to the gym to work off the calories from all this research!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Only a Matter of Time Now

I got my cover tonight for "A Little Slice of Heaven." I hafta admit, I was nervous, but I absolutely love it. Take a gander:A publication date shouldn't be too far behind. And when I know, you'll know.
Next on the agenda: the workshop at the Farmingdale Library this coming Tuesday with pal and critique partner, Debora Dennis. Stop down around 7:30 pm for "I've Got You Under My Skin: How to Flesh Out Your Characters." Coffee--milk, no sugar--would be very much appreciated!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Thursday 13: Thirteen Comic Female Stereotypes I've Never Done

Ever listen to comedians talk about their wives or girlfriends? A lot of them seem to have these stereotypical "Everywoman" comments. More times than not, when I hear those, I find myself shaking my head and saying, "*I* don't do that." So...let's take a poll. How many of these supposed complaints are you guilty of?

1. Asking your S.O. to hold your purse in a store. Umm... sorry, but I don't trust ANYONE with my purse. I'll hang it around my neck before I let the dh get access.

2. Sending your S.O. to the store for feminine hygiene products. Not even when, after childbirth, the hospital only had the type that required belts (and this was in the 90's...hello? You'd think with what they charge for "ancillary supplies" they might upgrade to pads with adhesive.)

3. Saying, "What are you thinking?" after intimacy. Like I could get the words out before he started snoring. Besides, I'm not even sure *I'm* thinking at that point.

4. Putting out special guest soap or hand towels no one in the house is allowed to touch. Telling anyone in my household "don't touch" is an open invitation guessed it...touch!

5. Asking your S.O. if your outfit makes your butt look big or makes you look fat. Fashion advice...from a man? Not unless he's in the industry or gay.

6. Having decorative throw pillows on your bed or couch. I don't want to have to rearrange stuff to relax; that kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

7. Following dictates from Oprah. I've never once bought a book, an outfit, or a political candidate simply because the Big O (or any other female in broadcasting) recommended it.

8. Calling him into a room to kill a bug. If I waited for dh to come to me before exterminating any pest unfortunate enough to find its way into my house, I'd be overrun with creepy-crawlies while he was still asking, "What did you say?"

9. Running late to any affair (dinner party, wedding, etc.) because you can't decide what to wear. Actually, in my household I'm generally waiting in the car with both kids ready, and some kind of dessert or gift on my lap, while the dh is still in the bedroom in his underwear pondering which shirt goes better with which tie, which suit looks better, etc.

10. Borrowing his razor. Ick. Though, I do admit, we both use the same brand of razor--his the masculine form, mine the feminine--and since they use the same size blade, we have filched new blades from each other fresh out of the package. But to just use the same blade he used on his face to do my underarms (or vice-versa)? Yuk, yuk, yuk!

11. "Allowing" him to go out with his friends. I married a man; I didn't buy him. In fact, I encourage him to go out with his friends. He loves paddleball and skiing--two sports I can't indulge due to herniated discs and osteoporosis. So because I can't go with him, he should give up what he loves? Un-unh.

12. Getting jealous when I spot him in the vicinity of a younger, prettier girl. Hey! I'm no Angelina Jolie. But I'm not an insecure nut job, either. Suspecting he's cheating (or even considering it) simply because there's a pretty girl nearby is like thinking every gay man becomes a sex-obsessed maniac in the locker room. Until he gives me a reason not to trust him, I trust him. It all comes down to that same "I married him; I didn't buy him" credo.

13. Asking his opinion on something and then doing the exact opposite. Now that I think of it, dh is more guilty of this than I am. He never believes anything I tell him unless he also hears it from another MAN. As if logic and common sense is imbedded in Y chromosomes. And yet, on television, the woman's the indecisive, needs-his-opinion-only-to-go-her-own-way character. Go figya.
How'd you do?

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Thursday 13: 13 AudioBooks on My "To Be Listened To" List

It's a new year, and you know what that means: NEW BOOKS! Last year I joined BooksFree, which works on the same principle as Netflix, letting me rent audiobooks for a monthly fee with no late charges or time limits. Since my day job allows me the freedom to listen to audiobooks, I take full advantage. So, here for your drooling pleasure, are thirteen of the books on my queue--in no particular order--from BooksFree. FYI: To date, there are 80 books on my queue!

1. The Bone Garden by Tess Gerritsen

2. Shiver by Lisa Jackson

3. The Devil Who Tamed Her by Johanna Lindsey

4. My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

5. Cross Bones by Kathy Reichs

6. Fractured Fairy Tales by Jay Ward

7. The Debutante Divorcee by Plum Sykes

8. The Abortionist's Daughter by Elisabeth Hyde

9. Swapping Lives by Jane Green

10. I Feel Bad About My Neck: and Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron

11. Fluke by Christopher Moore

12. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

13. Force of Nature by Suzanne Brockmann

Ooh, it's gonna be a very good year! What is or would be on your list?